he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
