he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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