It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
