we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
