I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
