Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
