tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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