You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
