Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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