so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm too high and old for this...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
