If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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