I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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