He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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