Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
