in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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