i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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