the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
