Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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