He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
