I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
