Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
