Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
