she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
