What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
