Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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