The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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