I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
