wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
