Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cockslap morals
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
