I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
