sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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