Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize