so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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