Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
