I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love accidental penises.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
