my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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