My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
