In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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