if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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