I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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