Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
