Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
