I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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