Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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