And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize