i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish you could order shots online.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im part way to drunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
