I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
