I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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