Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
