some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
