Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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