I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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