i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
