my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
