i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
