Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
