and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
