its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
