I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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