you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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