Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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