i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
