Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
