You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
