All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
