Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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